It's amazing how quickly things can change here. One day, I can be so full of energy and joy, and the next I'm down. Lately I haven't been getting much sleep because I've been working in surgery (the bloc) and helping Dr. Bond see patients. Plus with Ansley being sick, I've been staying with her at night. Unfortunately, today I woke up late and wasn't able to have my God time in the morning before work. As I walked to work, I prayed, "God, no matter what happens today please be with me. Please help me to have strength."
Satan has been working overtime among each of us and I think he must have heard my prayer this morning; we've each had our separate struggles and overwhelming challenges, and today was the worst it's been in quite some time. I reached my breaking point today, again.
I can't even describe all the things that worked together to make it happen, but I think it was a combination of lack of sleep, other people being short with me, lack of food, being slightly overworked, and not feeling good. I don't know what's wrong with me (it's not malaria, I got tested), but yesterday I had a headache so bad I wanted to cry (I did later, but not just because of the headache), and my stomach has been upset, and I've had very little appetite.
In any case, it was one of the days when I felt like giving up. As I walked home late in the evening, I started talking to God again. I wanted to go home. I was tired of fighting, tired of withstanding Satan's attacks, tired of even asking for strength to go on. Sometimes I get that way- I feel like a failure as a Christian, as a nurse, as a person - and I know that it's just Satan getting me down. But even with that knowledge, it's hard to keep moving, to keep praying, to keep trusting that God will pull me through.
Thankfully, I'm here with an amazing group of student missionaries who encouraged me. After talking with them and having a good cry, I felt a little bit better, though still tired and weary of fighting. It's times like these that I really enjoy reading Paul's letters. I'll just include one of my favorite excerpts:
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-- and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:23-25
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4 comments:
salam from khudori
Oh Kristen! I am soo sorry. I know exactly what you mean. So many times last year i would feel the exact same way. I think you might have malaria anyway. There was a time when I had all the symptoms and it didn't show up in my blood test until I was really sick, a couple weeks later. Get tested again or just take the pills. It is one of Satan's ways of attacking. I'm praying for you and all of Georgia-Cumberland Academy is praying for you as well.
May God's angels protect you today as you work. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
sonya
Hi Kristen!
I read your last post and pray that these days like all that have gone before, will pass. As some have told me, "this, too, shall pass." Are we not fortunate that God never changes!
Dear Kristen, " I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might" Ephesians 1: 18 & 19.
Love from Manassas -Kim Baker
Kristin! I am praying for you :) I relate to those feelings of failure as I'm feeling that way myself. It is hard to let go and trust God sometimes when things are happening all around us. But, nothing shakes the throne of God. He knows our trials and He's send all of heaven to help us overcome!
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